Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. ~ Gigi from "He's Just Not That Into You"
If you had asked me three months ago, 6 months ago, a year ago, what a happy ending meant to me, I would probably have said that it meant forever love. That, in relationship terms, it meant that everything worked out perfectly and we were perfectly happy in our perfect little romance.
A lot has changed since then.
I started this blog off with that bit of monologue from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" because in a lot of ways, it sums up my experience in the dating the world. Especially the part at the end. The part about the happy ending being that through an entire host of painfully awkward moments, at the end, I've come out still holding onto hope. While the entire thing is applicable to my life, that final sentence rings extremely true. I could lie and say it's been a breeze, that getting to this place hasn't been painful and full of tears and heartbreak, but I won't. It has been full of pain and tears and hurt and loss. And there are still moments when I mourn that loss- and in a lot of cases, more of what might have been than what really was. Because in most cases, what might have been is really beautiful. This idealized view of failed relationships is what catches a lot of us and causes a lot of problems (and a lot of awkward moments).
And while it is not easy, there aren't a lot of options. You either move on or you don't. Like most of us, I've wasted a lot of time refusing to move on and refusing to read the signs for what they were really saying instead of what I hoped that they were saying. But hey- you live, you learn, you do better next time.
Right- where was I? Oh, that's right. Hope. In this life, all we can ask for is that when a chapter closes, even if it's one of those chapters where the hero was just captured and tortured and it's a cliffhanger and you really really REALLY dislike the author for leaving your heart breaking, that you are able to start the next chapter with hope for what is to come. Hope that the hero will heal and will go on to kick enemy butt. Hope that someone will be there to help the hero pick up all of the pieces. Hope that in the end, some good will have come from the pain and suffering and that the next chapter will be amazing and make up for the fact that you were left hanging from a really cheap rope that gave you really bad rope burn.
And inevitably, it happens. You meet someone. Sparks fly. Rope burn heals. And that, as they say, is that.
